Of all the available options for relationship status on Facebook, “single” probably holds the least amount of mystique. But there’s nothing plain or simple about single people. They’re driven and successful, well-connected and self-aware. And they’re leveraging social media and mobile technologies to stay on top of their game (not the kind you “spit”).

Since I’m engaged to be married, I can no longer speak to the single “lifestyle.” That’s why I asked some local Cincinnatians how they use various tools to meet the right people, get the best from their current connections, and keep track of everything in between.

When it comes to online relationships, it doesn't always have to be "complicated."

Building New Relationships

Keri, who was born in Cincinnati and is finishing up a three-year assignment in Arkansas, doesn’t think social media is best suited for meeting new people. She actually recommends meetup.com – she and her friends often use the site to find local strangers with similar interests like movies, pets or hobbies. The site has opened up her world a bit by introducing her to people and experiences she may not have otherwise considered.

Joel, a Cincinnati transplant, leverages a host of tools – especially LinkedIn and Facebook – to research potential clients before they meet up for the first time. Since he relies on a steady stream of referrals, he’s found that “a little bit of research goes a long way during the introduction and helps put the people [he meets] at ease early in [their] conversation.” Smart move.

Keri is also experimenting with an iPhone app called Wander, which allows her to “meet” people in other countries by sharing photos of her everyday life. She shares anything – from how she gets to work every day to her favorite meal – with someone who has no idea what American culture is like. She gets matched with someone for a week and, according to her, “it’s pretty amazing how connected [she] feel[s] with a complete stranger after a week!” That’s pretty cool.

Maintaining the Current Ones

Both Keri and Joel strongly believe in not letting the pursuit of new connections damage the relationships you currently hold – even if they do seem more interesting or valuable at first blush. It can be a difficult balance, but anyone can probably relate to this comment from Keri about social media enabling relationships with those “in between people” – not your best friend, but also not a distant stranger:

“I still primarily use phone conversations and texting to keep in touch with my very closest friends, but social media has allowed me to keep in touch with a whole lot more people…and it’s not just the people from 8th grade that you really just look at their photos for entertainment. It’s for the friends who you’ve been close to at some point in your life. I’ve had friends that were particularly important for a certain phase of my life that I still value and, if it weren’t for Facebook, I really wouldn’t be able to keep up with them.”

To this point, Joel adds that social media allows unprecedented access to so many people with whom he otherwise would have never been able to keep in touch:

“It would be very difficult for me to remember all of the people I’ve met since high school, but social media basically recorded these relationships for me. Without Facebook, I could have easily missed a major chunk of connections that have helped my business thrive.”

While social media provides a more efficient touch point, both Joel and Keri believe that deep relationships require more involvement – sometimes, a “regression” to more traditional forms of communication.

Right Relationships = Success

For Keri and Joel, success is about giving time and energy toward people you’re closest with. This often entails meeting with them in person, picking up the phone to call them, or sending them a thoughtful note – anything that shows you’re willing to take the effort to build into someone vs. only doing what’s convenient for you.

Joel’s focus is not on himself nor his wants and needs, but on empowering others. Keri adds, “having successful relationships with the right people is the definition of success…and I personally don’t think social media is the way I get there.”

Live and Learn

Joel and Keri both admit there’s a learning curve to striking the right balance between close friends and new ones, work and personal lives, and their online vs. offline selves.

Keri notes that it’s frustrating to see people who are constantly on their phone/Facebook when out at dinner. She says it sends the message that “their social media relationships are more important, when we all know that couldn’t be true.” She recently heard of a “phone stack” rule where people go out to dinner and stack their phones on the table to make sure that everyone is providing their fullest attention. Every little bit helps.

When you're meeting face-to-face, make sure you're paying more attention to the person you're with than your phone.

Part of the explanation for shallow relationships and shortening attention spans is that we can take our work with us wherever we go – and this can cause some confusion regarding which identity we take on and when. Everyone seems to have a different opinion when it comes to separating or integrating their work and personal lives. While it’s proven that the more you share, the more trust you can build, there’s definitely a line to be crossed. Joel describes it this way:

“I’m still working on figuring out the right balance between showing people the real me and my business self. On one hand, I want to be overly conservative with my online image, but I also know that people want to know who I am outside of work. I don’t think it’s as simple as Facebook being personal and LinkedIn being professional, but I’m using social media savvy friends to help me find the right balance.”

Keri, on the other hand, tries to completely separate the two as much as she can….

“I integrate the good, and separate the bad or the professional…I choose to use social media to showcase the happy moments in my life – traveling, life events, etc. While I don’t think enough people do this, I really try to separate 1) work and 2) sad emotions …it’s odd, but I’m happy to share with the world the great moments in my life but don’t like to share things that tell the world I’m having a bad day. I guess for people who need affirmation, it’s good. But, I don’t think I’m comfortable to get consoled by the ‘in-between’ people.”

She even has separate phones – one for work, and one for social – and laughs that this helps a lot.

Living Single

So the saying goes: “single and ready to mingle.” But, don’t immediately conclude their sole mission in life is to meet that special someone. They’re open to relationships that fill them up and that make them the best version of themselves. And in this world of limitless potential for relationship building, focus and effort still equate to meaning.