Now that most people have abandoned their New Years’ resolutions, you can dedicate your time and training to what really matters: horrible pain and agony with friends in the mud.

I’m sure you’ve heard of Tough Mudder and maybe the Warrior Dash. These long, nasty events are picking up some serious steam. Come summertime, you’ll not only want a body that looks good on the beach, but also covered in mud. Single guys, tough ladies flock here – the type of gal that has the dedication to her strength and beauty, is confident in her abilities and can carry you out of a bar when you have a few too many Captain and Cokes. If she can cook a good meal, it’s not awkward to propose after the second date.

Back to you looking decent enough to attract a tough girl…

There are a bunch of events coming up this summer near Cincinnati. Pick one of the following:

Tough Mudder (about 10 miles with obstacles) – October 20th & 21st

GORUCK Challenge (8-10 hours of good livin’) – July 6th & 7th *

Mudathlon (3 miles, 40 obstacles) – June 2nd & August 11th

Mud Ninja Extreme Challenge (3.1 miles, 21 obstacles) – July 28th

Spartan Race (About 4 miles) – April 21st

Warrior Dash (3.1 miles, 10-12 obstacles) – June 2nd & 3rd

*GORUCK is different from the rest of the challenges. It is significantly longer and harder. Make sure you’re in good shape before taking on this challenge.

Now that you have a goal in mind, put your money where your mouth is. It’s harder to back out when you’ve got skin in the game.

It’s time to start training. Grab an old backpack and fill it with sand. If you’re relatively weak, start with half a pack, and add more throughout your training. Whether you’re going for an all-out sprint with obstacles or the long-and-slow GORUCK, it’s best to be ready for anything. So, wherever you are lacking strength and ability, address that as often as possible.

Here’s how a typical week of obstacle event training should look:

Monday

Complete the following with a sandbag or weighted pack (your sandbag back pack should suffice):

5 minutes of running

100 squats holding the pack to your chest

5 minutes of running

50 lunges

Tuesday

Complete 10 sets, resting 30 seconds in between:

Toss your pack as far as possible 5 times

10 burpees as fast as possible

Wednesday

With your pack heavier than usual:

Go for a light jog or “ruck march” for about 5 miles

Stretch out when you’re done

Thursday

Rest up, friendo.

Friday

With your pack, complete 10 sets of the following:

30 second sprint

30 standing presses

30 squats holding the pack to your chest

30 situps holding the pack on your chest

Saturday

With your pack, complete as many sets in 1 hour as you can:

Lunge 200 steps

Bear crawl with the pack on your back, same distance

Crab walk with the pack on your chest, same distance

Sunday

Rest your bones.

So now, you’ve got your training. Because misery loves company, you’ll need a buddy. Hopefully, you can find a tough gal to train with you – but you can always meet one an upcoming event. Be prepared: these gals are tough and may be able to lift more than you. Solution: lift more than them.

Drink water, eat animals, train hard and enjoy your build-up to the big event. Always pack extra gloves and don’t be afraid to get dirty.

If you’re overly-pumped for this year’s events, feel free to join our training group every Thursday at 7:30 p.m. at CrossFit Hustle (Northern Kentucky) or 7:30 a.m. on Sunday mornings (Cincinnati). These are free gatherings of trainees preparing for challenges.