You knew this was coming. The problem, of course, is the timing. Due to our release schedule, I’m writing this the week prior – and you’re reading this after opening weekend has come and gone in the National Football League (and thus cannot receive the most favorable Vegas odds) as you’ve waited eagerly for weeks upon end for my divisional breakdowns and Super Bowl winner.

For that, please accept my sincerest apologies.  Now quit drooling, wipe your mouth and book this:

THE NFC

EAST

Philadelphia Eagles 13-3 (10-6 won division in 2010)

Dallas Cowboys 12-4 (6-10 in 2010)

New York Giants 8-8 (10-6 in 2010)

Washington Redskins 4-12 (6-10 in 2010)

When the Eagles had Michael Vick healthy at quarterback last year, they were a force. Their biggest problem was touchdowns allowed inside their opponent’s 20-yard line. This is not breaking news to most NFL fans; but to those who aren’t, that was it. Then they picked up Antonio Rogers-Cromartie in a trade with Arizona, one of the better cornerbacks in the league…and he’s going to be a backup. Trevard Lindley is also going to mature and they took a safety and corner in the second and third rounds of this year’s draft. Keep Vick healthy, and that offense will be even better with the addition of Steve Smith from the Giants. If Vick stays on the field – as most expect – with his pocket maturity growth, this will be a “Super” team.

Dallas will vastly improve under Jason Garrett. This move was long overdue, ascending him into the head coaching position. I expect Tony Romo to get back to where he was a couple of years ago, with the compliment of his two much better-than-average running backs Felix Jones and Tashard Choice.

The Giants hooked up with the schedule makers and never called them again. I know that move; it’s not a good one. So despite hosting Seattle, Buffalo and Miami early, it gets bad. New England, the Jets and New Orleans make an appearance as well as having division rivals Dallas and Philly twice. There’s nothing worse in this world than payback from a jealous girl. (If you get that lyrical reference, dinner is on me.)

Washington. Two words: Rex Grosssman. I may take the under at four wins. You pick 12 players in this year’s draft (not one of them a QB) and your owner is a gazzillionaire that hates to keep his money. You are the Chicago Cubs of the NFL.

NORTH

Green Bay Packers 11-5 (10-6 in 2010)

Chicago Bears 8-8 (11-5 won division in 2010)

Detroit Lions 7-9 (6-10 in 2010)

Minnesota Vikings 6-10 (6-10 in 2010)

There’s a lot to love about Green Bay. As good as they were defensively in 2010, they were 18th in the league in run defense; third in their division, only in front of Detroit – who just added super defensive stud Nick Fairley from NCAA National Champion Auburn. And run defense in the NFC North is priority one. Depth at the offensive line worries me a bit too, considering their franchise IS quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Not to mention it is incredibly difficult to repeat, which only happens once a decade and hasn’t been done since New England did it in February of ’05. The best news for Green Bay is that they made their run without a lot of key players – namely, but not limited to, running back Ryan Grant. They can and almost certainly will make a run, but with an improved AFC West on the schedule, the regular season won’t go as smoothly as everyone believes.

Now on to my beloved Bears. We’ve got some issues here. Everyone that watches any NFL news over the last year knows their problems on the offensive line. They allowed 56 sacks last year. Highlands High School’s defensive front could’ve gotten to Jay. And remember what I said about the Giants earlier? Well, the difference here is that the Bears must’ve not only hooked up with the schedule makers, they must have been really good and promised the world – because 2011 is flat out brutal. They start out with Atlanta, New Orleans and Green Bay. Thirty-four total wins from last year. They also have the aforementioned AFC West with San Diego and also Philly hosting a party in early November. Improvements through the draft have helped on the O-line, but lack of depth and playmakers on the offensive side of the ball make it very hard to put them at 8-8. Take the under.

Everyone is jumping on Detroit’s bandwagon and Minnesota did it again on draft day. Quarterback Matthew Stafford has yet to play more than 10 games in a season and they only drafted five players this past year. They did get Nic Fairley to accompany Ndamukong Suh on the defensive line, but Titus Young in the second round? A 5’11” wide receiver that runs a 4.5 40? I, myself, am honestly not far behind that. Stafford needs more playmakers around him for me to put Motown in the playoffs. And the Vikings improved by getting Donovan McNabb. Yeah, right. That guy’s running around with forks in him. 15 interceptions in 13 games in 2010, he’s done. Watch for Christian Ponder to start by week 10. I and everyone else bashed the Vikes for going first round on him in the draft, but he would’ve been a steal in the third.

SOUTH

New Orleans Saints 12-4 (11-5 in 2010)

Atlanta Falcons 11-5 (13-3 won division in 2010)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7 (10-6 in 2010)

Carolina Panthers 4-12 (2-14 in 2010)

What a year for “Matty Ice” and the Falcons last year. It should go to show you that momentum is everything in sports. All sports. When you have it, you’re almost impossible to beat. When you lose it, you become incredibly vulnerable. The Dirty Birds, under Matt Ryan at quarterback, had it last year – winning nine of their last 10 games, but stalled in the playoffs. Sometimes the first round bye can kill you as much as help you. There are a couple of reasons I think Atlanta takes a step back this year. First, their numbers from last year are deceiving. The Falcons did finish in the top 10 in the two biggest statistical categories in the league – fifth in points per game being the most important stat of all. They were in the middle of the pack in virtually everything else and fifth in points per game allowed, the second most important stat. However, they did not win one pre-season game. Not a fan of what you did in the fake season, but throwing up a gooser is no good. I love the drafting of linebacker Akeem Dent from Georgia in the second round behind wide receiver Julio Jones, and I expect a good team – and a possibly huge year for Ryan – but I do not expect only three losses again in 2011.

New Orleans gets it for me for a number of reasons, namely Drew Brees. The additions of rookie Mark Ingram and veteran Darren Sproles at running back ensures that defenses can’t key-in on just the Saints’ passing game. Then there’s this: following their bye week in 2011, four of their final six games will be played at home – and one playoff team from 2010 comes to visit. Not a bad way to finish.

Everyone from HBO down loves Tampa Bay. I’ll hold on that stock and keep it ‘til next year. They were in the bottom third in points per game offensively and defensively last year, even though they played well enough to earn 10 wins. Mike Williams had a fantastic rookie season at wide receiver to complement Josh Freeman at quarterback, but LeGarrette Blount needs to see the end zone more than six times for the offense to be enough to match the record from a year ago. Their defense will improve, taking their first three draft picks on the defensive side. Still, I can’t give them more than nine wins.

Carolina will start Cam Newton, the number one overall draft pick from this past year’s draft. And as much as Panthers fans will for his arm to be the future, his legs will get them to just four wins. Steve Smith is aging like curdling milk, and their number two wide-out Brandon LaFell comes into his sophomore year with less than 500 yards receiving and only one touchdown. DeAngelo William and Jonathan Stewart will need to lead this team for it to be in any way successful. The offensive line is critical to protect Newton in his first year and to open running lanes for the Carolina backfield.

WEST

St. Louis Rams 8-8 (7-9 in 2010)

Arizona Cardinals 7-9 (5-11 in 2010)

Seattle Seahawks 5-11 (7-9 won division miraculously in 2010)

San Francisco 49ers 4-12 (6-10 in 2010)

This is no doubt the worst division in the NFL, so I’ll keep it as brief – like their national coverage this year. The ‘Hawks won the division under .500 and yes, did have a great playoff win over New Orleans – the shining moment for the NFC West in 2010. In 2011, I do expect some bright spots, particularly in the Lou. Sam Bradford is going to be a star in this league, as soon as they can get him some weapons. While having virtually none, they still managed to play well enough to compete in the West. Their defense wasn’t atrocious, and in the first four rounds of this year’s draft they took a defensive end followed by a tight end and two receivers. I expect Mike Sims-Walker to have a big year with Bradford and a divisional crown. And book Steve Spagnuolo to be your coach of the year if they get to the playoffs, as predicted.

I have no clue what Pete Carroll is doing. It’s like he folds like a lawn chair whenever he’s coaching in the NFL. How does a team give up the 27th least amount of yards defensively and the eighth most points? And why is Tavaris Jackson starting in the NFL and not in Canada? Take the under at five wins.

Now for the team by the Bay – the bad one. San Fran is lucky to get Jim Harbaugh, and by “lucky,” I mean totally unproven to do anything without Andrew Luck. Alex Smith gets another chance (at my count, his fifth or so) with the biggest group of primadonnas this side of Hollywood. I expect four wins, three DUIs, a gun charge and a sexual assault case. Welcome to the 49ers, Jim.

THE AFC

EAST

New England Patriots 13-3 (14-2 won division in 2010)

New York Jets 11-5 (11-5 in 2010)

Buffalo Bills 5-11 (4-12 in 2010)

Miami Dolphins 4-12 (7-9 in 2010)

Welcome to the most top-heavy division in football. If the Patriots were in college football, all 10 committee of infractions members from the Kremlin (NCAA) would be in and out of Boston weekly to figure out how they’re cheating. But they’re not, save taping practices a few years back. They scored 32 points per game and gave up 19. They have the best quarterback the league has ever seen, and maybe its best ever coach as well. Then they added Chad Ochocinco, who will thrive under his buddies – head coach Bill Belichick and Lord Tom Brady. (Feel free to send me your Joe Montana, Brett Favre, Dan Marino, Peyton Manning and John Elway arguments and I’ll shoot them down like a SEAL capping Bin Laden, Quadaffi and Mubarek at a wedding.)

I want to play for Rex Ryan. (At a svelte 6’1” 165 pounds, I might add something.) The man is awesome, and his players love him. He’s willing to distract attention in the country’s biggest market away from his players – so they can focus on winning and not their shortcomings on the field. And those shortcomings seem to dissipate with every game and every year, particularly with quarterback Mark Sanchez. Shonn Green averaged four yards a carry (good) and they added Plaxico Burress to score in the red zone – the ailment that plagued the Jets last year. I see another post-season run for New York.

The bottom dwellers in the east I have at a combined nine wins. Why? I’ll throw some names out there: Chad Henne, Brian Hartline, Reggie Bush, Chan Gailey, CJ Spiller and some guy named Donald Jones – all of which will see significant time for Miami and Buffalo. Do you see a lot of wins there?

NORTH

Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (12-4 won division in 2010)

Baltimore Ravens 10-6 (12-4 in 2010)

Cleveland Browns 7-9 (5-11 in 2010)

Cincinnati Bengals 4-12 (4-12 in 2010)

All right. Here’s the one you’ve been waiting for, and it won’t be as gloomy as it could be, Bengals fans – except for the fact it is still the Bengals, and hope is futile; but I digress. As much as I laud Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots, the Pittsburgh Steelers organization deserves the same praise. (Please don’t vomit.)

They get it done each and every year, and make every bad situation right with their players – and make sure the negatives turn into positives. The Rooneys are an examplary leadership group. Expect close to the same out of them this year as we’ve seen over the past several. They are deep at virtually every position and play the NFC West, as all AFC North teams do. Look for Antonio Brown to break out and take Hines Ward’s starting position at wide receiver. If they can stay healthy in the defensive backfield, I say no less than four losses for Pittsburgh.

Baltimore is another team that seems to get it done despite stepping ever-so-closer to hospice care. John Harbaugh has done a terrific job at head coach, and with the offense of Ray Rice, Lee Evans and Anquan Boldin surrounding Joe Flacco, expect more points ever for this Ravens team. Defense has always been the strong point for this franchise, even winning a Super Bowl virtually on their own. But they are archaic. While I love the drafting of cover corner Jimmy Smith form Colorado in the first round this year, Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs have a combined 74 years in the NFL. OK, it’s actually 35 – but you get my point. I expect them to come back to the back and only win 10 with a vastly improved offense.

I really like the direction Cleveland is going as well, and (keep this in mind as a theme for the North) they play the NFC West this year. Colt McCoy threw to anyone who would catch it at the end of last year, including opposing teams and food vendors – but that’s to be expected from a rookie quarterback. With Peyton Hillis coming off a breakout year, I expect the same from wide-out Mohamed Massaquoi across Josh Cribbs. With Cribbs also being one of the best return men in the game, expect some points from the Brownies. The problem for them last season was run defense. They were 27th. So, addressing the problem, they drafted defensive linemen Phil Taylor and Jabaal Sheard, who both are listed to start immediately. Sensing improvement by the lake, I like them, with two more wins.

Now to your Cincinnati Bengals. We all get it. They have horrible ownership providing no help in scouting or practice facilities, to name a few problems. Last year they had four wins with Carson Palmer; they will again get four wins – but with a rookie quarterback. Carson was an issue the last couple of seasons, no matter how you look at it. He just never got it back after being hit by Kimo Von Olesomething in the playoffs versus Pittsburgh. Even when they last won the division two years ago, they did it on the strength of their running game. The fact is, their defense is pretty good – even with Mike Brown trying to screw with it. (i.e. Johnathon Joseph – young and talented vs. Nate Clements – older and talented for practically the same price.)

They had a 15th ranked defense, 14th vs. the pass. Not too bad. The issue is the running game. The Bengals were 27th. In the beginning of the pre-season, I thought they could run the table in reverse. Then rookie QB Andy Dalton started to get more comfortable. All said, four wins.

WEST

San Diego Chargers 13-3 (9-7 in 2010)

Kansas City Chiefs 11-5 (10-6 won division in 2010)

Denver Broncos 7-9 (4-12 in 2010)

Oakland Raiders 6-10 (8-8 in 2010)

I’m predicting the West will be the most improved division in football this season, beginning with the soon-to-be Los Angeles Chargers. How does a team that has the most prolific offense (yard-wise) gaining almost 400 a game, 280 through the air (which ranked second) with a number-one ranked defense in yards and passing and fourth run defense go 9-7? Well, that happens when you start 2-5. That won’t happen this year. Ryan Matthews is healthy and the first three draft picks for San Diego were at each level of the defense, line, linebacker and secondary. Three losses, book it.

Kansas City is going to be scary, and yes they still play at Arrowhead Stadium – a place still widely considered one of the best home-field advantages in sports. Head coach Todd Haley and team management may end up deserving awards for what they’ve put together after going from 4-12 to 10-6 last season. They have a fantastic one-two punch in the running game with Jamaal Charles and veteran Thomas Jones, a tandem that gave them the best running game in the NFL last season. They also tout the 14th ranked defense from a year ago. The area in most need of improvement is the passing game. Matt Cassel has shown he can throw up big numbers, but his completion percentage needs to get better. It finally did this pre-season in the final game where he went 15-17 after throwing for less than 50% in all three losses. The Chiefs brought in Steve Breaston from Arizona and added Jonathan Baldwin, a wide receiver from Pitt with crazy potential to go along with proven vet Dwayne Bowe. This could be the year for a long-awaited playoff run for KC.

Denver drafted Tim Tebow. That is not the fault of new head coach John Fox – but he and Bronco legend (and new Executive Vice President of Football Operations) John Elway did inherit him. They didn’t do themselves any favors with the dog and pony show in training camp between Tebow and Kyle Orton at quarterback. But what’s done is done and the right move was made to put Orton back under center. This team did possess the seventh-ranked passing attack in the NFL last year, but that’s not their issue – defense is. They were last in overall defense, second-to-last against the run. And they addressed that by drafting six defensive players out of their nine picks, the first being second overall pick Von Miller from Texas A&M. Nothing like a 250-pound linebacker who can run a 4.5. That should help stop some edge runners.

SOUTH

Houston Texans 11-5 (6-10 in 2010)

Indianapolis Colts 8-8 (10-6 won division in 2010)

Tennessee Titans 7-9 (6-10 in 2010)

Jacksonville Jaguars 2-14 (8-8 in 2010)

For the first time since 2008 the Colts will not win this division and Houston will finally overcome their demons to beat them. Last year H-Town rocked the fifth-ranked rushing offense and total defense. That bodes well in November and December (and beyond) in the NFL. In fact, they were ranked second against the pass and took defensive players with their first five picks in this last year’s draft. The Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson pass-catch combo is second to none in this league, and with medical specialist/badass running back Arian Foster I expect improvement. But it’s Gary Kubiak’s rear on the line if they don’t. With last year’s numbers, they still only won six games. Ball control and poise Houston – it’s now or never.

Indy is on a downswing, folks (sorry ESPN). The theme for this division outside of Houston is can’t throw it, can’t stop it thrown against you. Although Peyton threw for over 4,000 yards again last year, this was the fourth consecutive year he did not eclipse triple digits in passer rating and has 33 interceptions over his last two. Not to mention he will not play week one against Houston and no one knows when he will. The Colts were the seventh-worst passing team in the NFL last season and 20th in pass defense. I see .500 for the blue and white.

Again with the South’s theme, the Titans ranked 28th out of 32 in passing and 26th in that area on the defensive side of the ball. To aid in the recovery on offense, veteran quarterback Matt Hasselback was brought in from Seattle, with rookie Jake Locker ready on alert five. (Another reference – this time, movie and dinner on the line.)

And who do they get to throw to? Nate Washington and Kenny Britt. I’d be shocked if any of you have either of them drafted on your fantasy team before the 13th round.

To aid that horrific pass defense, the Titans selected Tommie Campbell from Division II’s California University of Pennsylvania with the 48th pick of the seventh round. The only DB taken by Tennessee. Best of luck.

Now to what I believe will be the worst team in the NFL, the Jacksonville Jaguars – who will probably end up without a coach by year’s end, and a moving van to LA. (Yes, I believe at some point in the near future Los Angeles will have two teams, possibly one by expansion. But anyway…)

The sixth-worst passing offense in the league just dropped their starting quarterback five days before their opener against Tennessee, and it looks like they’re going with rookie Blaine Gabbert. This team went .500 last year with the worst pass defense in the NFL and now have a rookie starting at QB. If MJD (Maurice Jones-Drew) does not run for 8,000 yards this team is in real trouble.

NFC DIVISION WINNERS

1. Philly

2. New Orleans

3. Green Bay

4. St. Louis

WILD CARDS

Dallas

Atlanta

Atlanta and Dallas advance

Atlanta defeating Philadelphia in the NFC Championship Game

AFC DIVISION WINNERS

1. New England

2. San Diego

3. Pittsburgh

4. Houston

WILD CARDS

New York Jets

Kansas City

KC and NY advance

The Jets defeat the Patriots in the AFC Championship Game

SUPER BOWL XLVI

ATLANTA FALCONS 27

NEW YORK JETS 13